When we decided to move to Mexico, I had assumed that our fate would be the same as my parents, and they would have lost most of their friends from back home. Nobody came to see them here and they felt very isolated.
So imagine my shock when a couple that we had started to become friends with, announced that they were coming to stay with us in January.
As much as I did not know them well, we had shared a couple of dinners and a couple of casual encounters, I thought they were people that I connected with and would like to get to know better.
The warning bells ran really loud when hubbie announced that one of them was coming down the car with him and the other partner would follow before New Years Eve. They would not be leaving until the 15th of January so that was a lot of time with someone that we hoped things would go well with.
Our dear neighbours and friends who had been there for my family through everything, offered to let them use their bedroom. That would allow us to have some time together as a family and they had a lot of room anyway.
Our friends from home, who by the way own a B&B so they should have known better, felt and acted like they were at a B&B and could come and go as they pleased, but have all the meals they wanted to have at our house, without contributing even a bottle of wine.
That was annoying enough as they knew that we had so many expenses this year with 2 houses, private school and travelling back and forth here that we really couldnt afford to carry them as well but I dont think they thought past their own desires to how it affected anyone else.
We as their hosts, included them in everything we were doing. If we went shopping we included them, thinking they would like to know and see real life here in Mexico. Each time we took them somewhere, we were the taxi ride only and they took off on us.
They spent their days wandering and be carefree, not once asking if we wished to share any of their encounters. Maybe they felts since when we invited them anywhere that meant we paid the entire costs, that if they invited us to join them for a lunch that they might be required to buy us something. Who knows what they motives were, it was horrible for us.
But we kept quiet being the gracious hosts that we are. We continued to share everything we had receiving nothing in return for our efforts but more of the feelings of being used and abused.
Our final straw was when they were taking our neighbours out for a dinner to thank them, dividing us from the group and we stated our case, loud and clear how uncomfortable it was for us and we would really appreciate their changing their plans to include us.
That would seem a reasonable thing to me.
But instead of hearing how sorry they were for making us feel like that and of course they would alter the plans because they did not want us to feel uncomfortable, no... instead we were told that they would take it under advisement and let us know their desicion when they returned from their week away where they would have to pay for themselves.
They returned all happy and excited and brought up dinner plans again, pretending that we had never had this conversation before and made me repeat again how badly it was making us feel with them dividing us. Again we were told they would consider it and let us know.
Maybe I am mistaken and have spent my life not understanding the true meaning of friendship or hospitality or generosity but this does not seem to be the behaviour consistent with any of the above.
The next day, Monday, when they were planning on going for dinner on Tuesday and then leaving Thursday morning, they informed us that they had decided to take our friends and neighbours out separately from us, regardless of how we felt.
Then these two supposedly intelligent and "spiritual" people were shocked that they had hurt us. Now one partner was playing the victim and wanting us to feel sorry for how they were feeling after hurting us - PLEEAASEE!! but the other partner blamed their behaviour on ME that this was my fault.
Needless to say they have avoided all contact with us until tonight the night before leaving and what did I receive as a thank you and an apology for their actions - NOTHING - not a bunch of flowers from the market, not a small token gift, not a gift certificate from the restaurant they took our neighbours too, nothing.
Sorry, I am mistaken, I was to receive their blessing for my life. PLEASE!! Like this blessing would a difference in my life and was the grand gesture of the POPE.
The good news besides their leaving is that hubbie and I have bonded more through this ordeal and we have learned many life lessons that will take us far in the future about ourselves and those around us who want to take us for granted.
I feel sorry for the next person who tries to use either of us again, because we are so warned now.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
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3 comments:
Hi Kathy,
I've been enjoying reading your blog. I can't believe those people did that to you! How rude! I've heard of that happening to family members, but never to "friends". They should be ashamed of themselves...enough said.
My husband and I are coming to Ajijic in February. Maybe we could stay with you? JUST KIDDING! LOL We're staying with hubbie's auntie and uncle and we plan on buying our own food, cooking for them, and taking them out to dinner as much as possible! ;-) We're also bringing them gifts from the U.S.
I hope you are shaking off that strange energy and loving living in Ajijic again!
Bonnie
HI Kathy
Good to have you back at your blog again. I have missed you!
I can't believe how those people treated you! Incredible. Given the way you were raised, you must have been in a state of shock. Try not to be too bitter about it because it is unlikely you will ever encounter anyone like that again and certainly this experience will set your alarm bells ringing before there was a chance of a repeat performance.
I am glad you and Andre enjoyed some good family time.
Looking forward to reading you next time.
Inez
I have read most of your blog and find it an interesting slice of life, so to speak.
As for your visitors they just don't have clue. Sometimes to defend yourself against this abuse one has to suspend the social rules and tell'm how the cow ate the cabbage. Some of us find that hard to do as we are the ones that fix things and make relationships work even those that should not work. If you can find the courage tell them in an email they are not welcome to return as they were not good guests, don't worry they will blame you for the problem, but you will have had your say and hopefully feel better for it.
I may be returning to Ajijic later on in the year this time I will be looking for a place to move to who knows we may 'bump' into each other :)
Julia
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