Lonely in Paradise

In the middle of paradise, lush green mountains, flowers and foliage every where, amazing food and markets, so much to see and do and be a part of, in the middle of all this I find myself incredibly lonely.

The loneliness is so strong that it almost has a physical presence beside me. I go to sleep with loneliness and I wake up and it's there to greet me. You would think that the strong presence of such a force would in itself, be strong company but it is not.

Maybe if I had of planned to move here and done the research and had a plan on what to do and where to go and each day was an adventure living out that plan, maybe then I wouldn't be so lonely.

Maybe if I wasn't spending the majority of my time, worried about and taking care of an elderly person who has her own great needs, maybe then I wouldn't be so lonely.

Maybe if I wasn't worried about my friends back home and the issues that they were dealing with and feeling so utterly hopeless and unable to help, maybe then.

Maybe if I wasn't building a new life and new business and doing it all by myself and wanting to throw ideas off someone but deciding that the cell phone bill was not worth the personal indulgence, maybe then.

But if I was honest and truthful, I would have to say it was just one thing that was creating my loneliness and I could easily deal with everything else if this was taken care of.

My husband, the love of my life, my best friend and confident is still at home in Canada, working at his job, finishing the dream house that we started together, trying to sell our life and close it up and in his spare time, visiting with our friends and family and basically living our life, all alone as well up, in Canada.

The one thing that we share now is our loneliness together. Did you know it was possible to share loneliness? Did you know that the act of sharing loneliness, does nothing to dissipate it? Do you know that there is absolutely no benefit to the act of sharing loneliness, it just increases it's power?

I think of all the adventures that we could do together when he is able to be here. I think of the restaurants and food that we will share and enjoy. I think of the walks and the hikes as we explore this new paradise. I think of the friends we will create and the joy we will share. And those thoughts excite me but again I find my new friend sitting there smirking beside me as I realize that I have no idea when that will happen.

And until it does, it is me and my new friend Loneliness, here all alone.