Music Today

Last night when we went out for dinner, someone said that there has been a sadness in the neighbourhood since my parents passing and how the socializing seemed to stop. I remarked that is the last thing my parents would have wanted. They loved to socialize. They loved food and dinner parties. They loved music and laughter. They loved friends.

Last night before I went out I went into the safe and took out my fathers necklace and wore it. I am still wearing it. I am wearing my mothers wedding ring. So I feel their energy close to my skin and heart. Maybe that is why this morning happened.

I got woken up by a friend in distress. I had a message on my answering machine with another friend in turmoil in her life. Then I talked to Andre and we discussing all the details of closing the house and being apart.

I had a heavy heart.

So I decided to change the energy in my house and in my heart. I turned on the satellite radio to the 70's channel and blasted it, loud. I began working around the house cleaning and moving things. I know that I need to get rid of all the things that are bothering me like I did at my own house but the stress of getting rid of things that belonged to my parents is so hard on my grandmother. I have put my needs and my desires aside while she is alive to make it easier on her but it is getting harder and harder for me to suppress my life to keep a facade of my parents life alive for the sake of my grandmother. I know that would be the last thing my parents would have wanted me to do but it is so hard to see her cry at the changes.

The music is loud and making me sing but I find that I still have to work hard to beat the sadness away. Maybe I need disco music or maybe it needs to louder.

I will keep working on it. Christmas is coming and that is going to be a whole new experience.